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The Phineas and Ferb Effect/Transcript
Prologue (Scene opens up on where we last left Milo and his friends, confronted by Doofenshmirtz, who is about to relay a recap.) Doofenshmirtz: So lemme get this straight. There are Pistachion monsters, and they're bad. You went back in time to 1965 and found out that one of them had taken over... some... TV show. And when you got back to the present, those same plant monsters had imprisoned everyone in a lard-themed amusement park and replaced them with plants wearing rubber human masks. The only way to fix this is with a time machine. Yours is broken, and you're looking for some guy named "Professor Time" to help you. So... in a nutshell, what you're saying is — you're not the pizza delivery guy. Milo: (deadpanned '') No, we are not the pizza delivery guy. '''Doofenshmirtz': All right, well, I'll let ya out then. (Doofenshmirtz walks over to a button and drops Milo and the others. Cue the theme song.) Act I (The scene opens up on:) Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Cavendish: Professor Time, I am beyond pleased to meet you! Balthazar Cavendish, big fan! You, sir, are my idol! Doofenshmirtz: (looks round in confusion) Are... A-Are you talking to me? Cavendish: Yes! You're Professor Time! You're going to invent time travel and change the world! Doofenshmirtz: Really? And on what exactly are you basing this assumption? Cavendish: Oh, it's not an assumption. (Dakota walks on) We are from the future! Fifteen years from now, you invent time travel! You are the great Professor Time! Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, my name isn't Professor Time; it's Doofenshmirtz! Dakota: Yeah, we're pretty sure you change your name... (holds up a bag of Professor Time Time Chips) ...for branding purposes. (Song: Time Chips Jingle) Time Chips! Don't share with a friend! Professor Time: Those are mine! Doofenshmirtz: I have branding in the future? Cavendish: Of course you do! T-shirts, hats, I'm wearing your underpants. (Show briefly Milo and Orton looking at each other, weirded out) Well, not your underpants. They're Professor Time brand. They have your picture on them. Do you want to see? Doofenshmirtz: Errrrrrrrrrrrr... no. (Cut to the Human Detention Center (Formerly Lard World), as evidenced by the subtitle. Zack and Melissa are in a vine prison cell.) Zack: This is bad, Melissa. They got half the town in here. Melissa: And no sign of Milo! Gotta figure out a way to escape. Buford: Yeah! Good luck with that, lady! (Cut to reveal Baljeet with a pair of binoculars sitting on Buford's shoulders.) Melissa: Well, what are you guys doing? Buford: Recon! Duh! Baljeet: Whoa! (falls upside down) Would you turn around please? (to Melissa and Zack) We have been studying the Pistachions' movements. But I still cannot deduce the purpose of the giant M.U.L.C.H. device. Buford: Whatever it is, they sure got a lot o' guards around it. Baljeet: (falls over) Oof! Buford: So, uh, what's your deal anyway? You two a couple or somethin'? Melissa and Zack: (denying) No! Baljeet: Wait. You are Zack Underwood of The Lumberzacks! Zack: Hey, somebody recognized me! Melissa: Yeah, in plant jail. Zack: I'll take what I can get. Baljeet: I have your CD! I carry it with me always! Buford: Oh, yeah! Chop chop chop! I remember that! I even heard one of the guards singin' it earlier! Melissa: (snatches away Baljeet's CD) One of the guards? That gives me an idea! Baljeet: Hey! Melissa: This might be the perfect diversion. (Song: Chop Away at My Heart) Pistachion Guard 1: Hey! That's Zack Underwood of the Lumberzacks! We should get his autograph now before... well, you know. Pistachion Guard 2: Eh, stop foreshadowing, Bob. (Sara, Zack, Buford, and Baljeet are dancing to the song.) Zack: I know you're pining But every cloud has got a silver lining Zack and Baljeet: The leaves are parting; now the sun is shining And you're in my arms... Baljeet: (takes over) ...so the planets are aligning My heart is strong, like a tree! Boom! And you belong, baby, you belong with me (Show Zack looking rather put out, then Melissa gesturing to them to escape.) Without you, I'm tied to the ground (The Pistachion guards walk in.) And if I fall, do I even make a sound? Baljeet and the others: Chop! chop! chop! chop away at my heart! I can feel it falling (timber!) and I will never part (Show briefly the Lumbermaxes in another cell, drawing on the ground with a stick.) I know you; you've been there from the start So, baby, chop! chop! chop! Chop away at my heart! (Here the audience joins in.) Na, na na na, na na na na na na na (Mr. and Mrs. Murphy are dancing to the music, which continues. Melissa walks on urgently.) Melissa: Mr. Murphy? Quickly! Over this way. Martin: I never realized that Zack was Zack of the Lumberzacks. Melissa: Yeah, I know, it's a big shock. Now stand over here next to this lard goat. Martin: N-Now what? Melissa: Uh, I'm not exactly sure. (Nothing happens.) Martin: So what am I doing here? Melissa: I was hoping for a little Murphy's Law? Martin: That's not really how it works. (Suddenly, the goat starts to topple over, and the head comes off. A Pistachion guard slips on the head, causing it to fly into the face of another guard near a lever, which activates the pig spinning ride, which flies apart and spins right into the cage, breaking it, and freeing the prisoners.) Martin: Well, I guess sometimes it works like that. Zack: Run! (Zack, Melissa, Martin, Brigette, Sara, Buford, and Baljeet run away from the chaos as the others fight off the Pistachions. A Pistachion extends his arm to recapture Brigette, Martin, and Sara. Without the wall, Zack turns round to see.) Zack: Oh, no! Martin: Get outta here, Zack! Go find Milo! Run! (A Pistachion extends his arm toward Zack.) Zack: We'll come back for you! (The Pistachion misses. His arm impacts the wall and gets crushed by the pig ride.) Pistachion Guard 3: And now my arm is under a pig! (Cut to the newly renamed:) (To the tune of the Evil Jingle.) Professor Time's Building: Recently Renamed for Branding Purposes Cavendish: So, basically, we need you to invent a time machine. Doofenshmirtz: Well, it just so happens I've already built a time machine! (Dramatically uncovers it) Behold! The Time Traveler-inator! Orton: Fascinating! Dakota: It looks like a taco. Doofenshmirtz: (to Diogee) I'm gonna be someone important in the future! Me! Whoda thought, right? Right? Dakota: Why you talkin' to Milo's dog? (Diogee pants.) Doofenshmirtz: (stammering) I'm sorry, I... Force of habit, I guess. Y-You mean he's not a, y'know, with the little hat, part of a secret organization. None of that? Dakota: No, he's just a dog. Doofenshmirtz: Yeahhh, as far as you know. (Diogee continues panting.) Cavendish: It's essential that we get back to 1965 as quick as possible! Doofenshmirtz: Ooh! 1965? That's where I'' wanted to go! I-I wanted to pick up some Wyatt Burp orange soda there. It was discontinued in the '70s for destroying the environment. '''Milo': And you still wanna drink it? Doofenshmirtz: Oh, sure. I-I mean I'm not the environment. (Agent P makes his perfectly timed entrance, and does a superhero landing, to the accompaniment of his trademark three note cue.) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus?! Dakota: Whoa, what's that? Doofenshmirtz: It's Perry the Platypus. I just said that. Dakota: He's wearing a hat. Orton: And he's a platypus? Doofenshmirtz: And his name is Perry. It's... It's like I'm not even here. (A screen lowers from the ceiling, displaying the words "INCOMING CALL", while an alarm sounds.) Announcer: Attention! Top priority message from OWCA! Attention! Major Monogram: Doofenshmirtz, old-timey guy, other... oddly dressed people... Dakota: Heh heh. "Old-timey guy". Cavendish: I heard him. Major Monogram: Sentient pistachio plants are taking over the— Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, yeah, we already know. Major Monogram: No, but— (Doofenshmirtz cycles through channels.) Doofenshmirtz: Here's the problem. No, wait, wait, no, no, no. (finds the 24-Hour Periodic Table of Elements channel) All right, here we go. So I've built a time machine, but it will not work without an element I call "time juice," which has not been discovered yet. It'll probably be on the periodic table down here next to Pizzazium Infinionite. Cavendish: Well, time juice is an element in the future. It made extremely accurate clocks possible and eventually led to time travel. Dakota: So that's why all the Pistachions in the future were rounding up the clocks! So no one could get the time juice! Milo: Wait a minute! I have one of the clocks! Dakota gave it to me! Dakota: Yeah! I did! (to Cavendish) Look at me thinkin' ahead! Betcha there's time juice in that. Milo: It's in my room, back at the house! Dakota: What, it's not in your backpack?! Milo: Who keeps a clock in their backpack?! Heh. That's just weird. Don't worry, guys. I'll just go back to my house and get the clock. (Milo steps up to the Time Traveler-inator, and an air duct vent crashes onto it, destroying it. Orton, Dakota, and Cavendish yell.) Dakota: Now it looks like nachos. Doofenshmirtz: My time machine! Oh, and the ductwork, too! That was still under warranty. How peculiar. Milo: Oh, I'm a Murphy. That's just Murphy's Law. Right, guys? Orton, Dakota and Cavendish: Murphy's Law. Milo: Anything that can go wrong near me usually will. Doofenshmirtz: That's a law? I've had that my whole life! (gasps) Maybe we're related. Cavendish: Well, can it be rebuilt? We need this! Doofenshmirtz: I don't think I can rebuild the ductwork. I need a ladder bigger than a— Oh, you mean the time machine. Yeah, I can rebuild that. Milo: While you guys fix this, I'll go home and get the clock. (Perry chatters.) Doofenshmirtz: He's either saying he's going with you, or he regrets the impulsive mistakes of his youth. I-I'm not sure. (Batman-style transition of Milo, Diogee, and Agent P leaping into action.) (Cut to Milo's house. Pistachions dash past.) Doo bee doo bee doo bah Doo bee doo bee doo bah Doo bee doo bee doo— (Milo falls into the bush outside the house, but does a barrel roll out of it. Diogee stops to sniff the fire hydrant.) Milo: (offscreen) Diogee, we're going home! (Diogee barks.) Doo bee doo bee doo bah Doo bee doo bee doo bah (Milo, Agent P, and Diogee walk into the house. Milo signals to Agent P, who gives him a thumbs up. They tiptoe, while Agent P attempts to contain any potential Murphy's Law damage. Milo and Diogee walk up the stairs.) Milo: Shhh! (At the top of the stairs, they are stopped by poorly disguised Pistachions dressed as Milo's parents.) Milo: Oh. Uh... hi. Milo's Pistachion Parents ''': How has your day been progressing? '''Milo: (picks up Diogee) Back! He's loaded! (Diogee cocks his leg like a rifle, and the Martin Pistachion attempts to swipe at Milo, but is thwarted. Diogee topples onto the fake Martin while the fake Brigette chases Milo. Agent P stops the fake Brigitte with his grappling hook. Milo walks through the door while Agent P fights the fake Brigette.) Milo: Got the clock! (Diogee barks.) Pistachion Martin ': Ergh! They're getting away! ''(Milo, Diogee and Agent P run down the stairs, but Milo is stopped by the fake Brigette. Agent P gives the clock to Diogee and fights off the fake Brigette on his jetpack, saving Milo in the process.) '''Milo: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! (the jetpack runs out of fuel) Up! Murphy's Law! (gives Agent P a wrench) Here ya go! (Agent P whacks at the jetpack, and it automatically starts working again. They swoop down to pick up Diogee.) Milo: Remind me to wipe the dog slobber off that clock. (Cut to Melissa, Zack, Buford and Baljeet still running. They run into an alleyway, where they cross paths with a fake Orton.) Melissa: Quick, Mister, you've gotta get out o' here! There's a bunch of Pistachions after us! Fake Orton: Oh, I know. I sent them. Buford: Oh, no! We're surrounded! Melissa: Wait a minute. Who are you? Fake Orton: Let me set the stage for you kids. Imagine a young plant who wanted nothing more than to impress his father... (Flashback to events of "Missing Milo".) Fake Orton: (narrating) ...who got knocked off the time limo, and set adrift in the time stream, until he landed in 1955. (Cut to Derek exploring a 1950s diner, before he gets knocked over by a car. A carhop drops a tray on his head.) (Cut back to the present.) Fake Orton: His father had always told his kids... (Cutaway to King Pistachion talking to his children.) King Pistachion: Now if you get separated, what do we do? Young Pistachions: Find an adult, impersonate them, and take over the world. (Cut to the events of "Fungus Among Us".) Fake Orton: (narrating) So, naturally, my first step was to infiltrate Balsawood Studios as a low-level intern. And with that disguise, (the intern sedates Orton) I was soon able to replace the great Orton Mahlson himself, which would put me in charge of the Doctor Zone empire! (Cut back to the present.) Melissa: Uh, what's Doctor Zone? Fake Orton: Oh! If you're looking for a good show, watch Doctor Zone! No? Nothing? (beat) Fake Orton: Ugh! Apparently, I was better at stealing identities than running a TV show. (Back to flashback.) Fake Orton: (narrating) It was cancelled after two episodes and no one even remembers it anymore. (Back to the present.) Fake Orton: And this mask is so uncomfortable! (attempts to take it off) Pardon me, I've been... (takes a crowbar) wearing this mask for fifty years! (He finally takes off the mask to reveal his head has taken on Orton's face and top hat.) Derek: Oops. Probably should've taken it off when I was sleeping. Heh. I do like the chin though. So I spent the last fifty years building mask factories (uncloaks and grows menacingly) and replacing Danville's citizens with my own Pistachion army! And at 4:30 today, my master plan will— (notices the kids have disappeared) Oh. Where'd they go? (turns to see them running off) Ugh! Too much exposition. Pistachion 4: Yeah. That's probably why your show was cancelled. Derek: After them! (The Pistachions go after the kids, except for Pistachion 4, whose staff crashes into a pile of junk.) Pistachion 4: OMG, that was totally embarrassing! Sorry! (Professor Time's Building).) Milo: Hey, everybody, we're back! And I've got the clock! Doofenshmirtz: Aw, cool! Gimme! Cavendish: This is an historic moment, Dakota. Dakota: Who knew the first time machine would also be a taco stand? Doofenshmirtz: Yeah. You know, you said it looked like a taco before, it got me thinkin'... It's not too much, is it? Milo: Not as long as you can take us back in time to 1965, and get Orton his show back, and defeat the Pistachions, and save the world! Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, no pressure. I'm gonna go back to talkin' to the dog. (The doorbell rings.) Doofenshmirtz: Just a minute! (Doofenshmirtz opens the door to reveal some Pistachions, who snarl at him. He immediately slams the door on them.) Doofenshmirtz: Sorry, I'm in the shower, come back later! Orton: Egad! Dakota: Go, go, go! Everyone, into the time machine! Cavendish: Quick! Start it! Let's get outta here! Doofenshmirtz: What does it look like I'm doing, making chalupas? Although, this is the same machine I use to make chalupas, so I understand the confusion. (The Pistachions break down the door.) Milo: Go! I'll lead them away! Hey! Over here, nut-jobbers! Pistachion 5: "Nut-jobbers"? Pistachion 6: Well, it does kinda describe us, but it's just rude. Orton: Now that was cool! Maybe that's the kind of hero Doctor Zone should be. (Writes in his notepad) (The time machine activates and Doofenshmirtz, Agent P, Dakota, Cavendish, and Orton disappear.) (Cut to Milo getting chased by the Pistachions. He is completely surrounded, until he takes out a rhythmic ballet ribbon from his backpack, and distracts them with his routine.) (Music: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy) (One Pistachion appears to be particularly amused by this. Milo uses the ribbon to drop down from the stairs and knock one of the Pistachions out. Two of the Pistachions give him a score of 10, while the one who was whacked gives him a 4.5.) (Cut to the time stream.) Cavendish: I was afraid of this. We only have enough time juice to get into the time stream and not out! Orton: Weren't there a bunch of floating clocks? Dakota: Yeah. Time's screwy in here. Sometimes, you're in the stream at a point before I put the clocks in it. I don't know how that works. Orton: So what does this mean? Cavendish: Without juice from those clocks, we'll be stuck here forever! Doofenshmirtz: Forever?! Now I really regret not putting a bathroom on this thing. Plus, all I serve is Mexican food, so you do the math. (Cut back to Buford, Baljeet, Zack, and Melissa still running. They reach a fence.) Buford: Oh, no! End of the line! Ugh! (tries to bash his way through the fence) (The kids suddenly notice a shadow passing.) Zack: Is it okay if I start squealing in fear again? (The shadow is revealed to belong to a familiar-looking long-necked redhead, who is distracted by playing a game on her phone.) Candace: Oh. Hi, guys. (Candace's wicked witch theme plays.) Baljeet: (screams) Oh, you do not know her. She can be very intimidating. Buford: Candace, what're you doin' here? Candace: I'm playing Ducky Mo-Go!. (Point of view of the phone to reveal a ''Pokémon GO!-esque app on Candace's phone, as she catches a Ducky Momo.)'' Candace: Yay-yeah! I got the chartreuse one! Why? What are you guys doing? Buford: Uh, runnin' from those guys. (Candace notices the Pistachions behind her and reacts appropriately.) Candace: Whoa! What are those?! Buford: Don't worry, I got a plan! (pushing Baljeet toward the Pistachions) Here! We offer our nerd in sacrifice! Baljeet: Buford! (The Pistachions charge, but suddenly, a giant robot leaps up from behind the fence and crushes them. The windshield of the head lowers to reveal none other than a certain pair of boy inventors...) Ferb: Looks like it's time to whack some weeds. Phineas: Well, somebody's chatty! Ferb: Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to say that? Phineas: No, by all means! Ferb: It's just that it's been a long time. Phineas: Yes! (looking at the viewers) Yes it has! Act II (Scene opens up on Phineas' and Ferb's robot facing the Pistachions.) Phineas: Hey, guys! Need a hand? (lowers the robot hand to the others) Buford: Oh, I get it! That's an actual hand! Baljeet: We got it, Buford! Candace: I never thought I'd be glad to see one of your big crazy contraptions! Pistachion 7: We have you surrounded, meatbags! Phineas: "Meatbags"? Well, it does kinda describe us, but it's just rude. (Phineas pushes a button. The robot takes a tennis racket and beats the Pistachions away withal. Others come from the other side, and he beats them away likewise.) Phineas: Service! (The robot goes forth, beating Pistachions away and generally routing them.) Phineas: 'Now ''this is gonna make a racket! '''Buford: A racket! I get it! You use an actual— Baljeet: We get it, Buford! Melissa: Who are you guys? Phineas: That's Candace, Buford and Baljeet, I'm Phineas, and this is Ferb! Melissa: Well, I'm Melissa, and this is Zack. Zack: And why do you have a giant tennis racket machine? Phineas: Oh, we were gonna build another one and play tennis from opposite sides of the city. Oh, hold on. (whacks a Pistachion) But then, hello? Pistachion monsters! Huh. How weird is that? Zack: Only slightly weirder than a giant tennis racket machine. Melissa: This could help us storm the compound. Half the city is locked up back there. Phineas: Don't worry. Ferb and I have been working on some pretty cool stuff back at our hideout. (entraps some Pistachions in a net) We'll grab some gear and mount an offensive! (A warning light flashes.) Phineas: That's weird. Both the primary and backup hydraulics are out.'' (The tennis racket machine rolls to a halt and begins to fall apart.)'' And that never happens! (The robot falls over.) Everyone: Ow! Ferb: Ow. (The windscreen opens.) Phineas: What are the odds? Milo: (arriving carrying Diogee) Hi, guys! Zack: Better than you think. Melissa: There he is! Milo: Cool lookin' robot thing! Who are your new friends? Phineas: I'm Phineas, and this is Ferb. Milo: Milo Murphy. Nice to meet cha! Baljeet: There is Candace, Buford, and Baljeet. Milo: Oh, hi, guys! Sorry about your machine breaking down. Phineas: I don't think you had anything to do with it. Milo: Well, stuff like that happens around me. I'm a Murphy. (The Earth swallows the robot. The children turn to look at it. It bursts into a great flame.) Ferb: Murphy's Law? Milo: Bingo! (Cut to Dakota, Cavendish, Orton, Doofenshmirtz and Agent P back in the time stream, with facial hair. Dakota, Cavendish, and Orton are at a table, and the latter two are asleep.) Dakota: Warthog, waxwing, weasel, weevil, weevil finch, wildebeest, yak, yellowjacket, and zebra, and those are all the animals in the African savannah section of the zoo. Now onto the rainforest section. I think it's the agutee, the anaconda... Cavendish: (interrupting) Oh-ho, will you please be quiet?! Dakota: Well, you won't let me sing the zoo song, and I gotta do somethin' to pass the time. Cavendish: But that's just it! We are in the time stream! Time doesn't pass! Dakota: So how come we got these beards? Cavendish: (gesturing toward Doofenshmirtz) Because he made us wear them! Dakota: Oh, that's right. Doofenshmirtz: I was trying to lighten the mood, and nobody wanted to wear the funny glasses. (Holds up two pairs of Groucho glasses) Dakota: I've already got glasses! Doofenshmirtz: I don't know what everybody's so gripey about. Perry the Platypus and I are having a grand old time playing Go Fish with hot sauce packets. (to Agent P) So... ya got any hot sauce packets? (Agent P gives Doofenshmirtz the hot sauce packet. Perry chatters at once.) Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Yes I do have a hot sauce packet. There ya go. I'd deal you guys in, but we only have the one hot sauce packet. Cavendish: Ugggh!!! We will be here for all of eternity if we don't get our hands on some time juice! Dakota: (in the distance) Hang on, kid; I got you. Dakota: Hey, it's us from earlier! (Shows Dakota on the time limo beating a Pistachion with a bag of clocks. The taco stand time machine passes the time limo.) It's when I clobbered that guy and put all the clocks in the time stream! Cavendish: (gasps) We've got to grab those clocks and get that time juice! Just grab one! That one! That one! Dakota: I can't reach! Cavendish: Or that one! Dakota: I'm trying! Orton: We're too far away! Dakota: And they're gettin' further! Wait! I've got an idea! Somebody give me a leg up! (He ties some rope to his waist. Orton boosts him up to the canopy.) Cavendish: Get up there! Get up there! Dakota: I'm going! I'm going! Cavendish: Be careful! Dakota: I'll just— (he runs onto the top of the awning, but punches a hole through it) Cavendish: Be careful! Hurry! Dakota: "Careful" or "hurry"? Choose one! Cavendish: Hurry! (Dakota gets a running start and jumps over Cavendish's head, and starts floating towards the clocks. He gets one just in time.) Dakota: Got it! (He falls and bumps into the window, accidentally sitting on Doofenshmirtz and Agent P's hot sauce packet.) Doofenshmirtz: Aw, man! Dakota: (giving the clock to Doofenshmirtz) Here ya go. (Cut to 1965, outside the Wyatt Burp soda factory. The time machine arrives there.) Doofenshmirtz: And we're here! 1965! Cavendish: Wait a moment, why are we at the Wyatt Burp soda factory? Doofenshmirtz: I told you! I wanted some orange soda! Don't worry, the TV studio's right around the corner. Cavendish: This is a day later than we were shooting for! We've lost the element of surprise! Doofenshmirtz: Aw, yeah, y'know, I can't pinpoint a specific day. I didn't have room. Orton: What do you mean? Doofenshmirtz: Year...Month...cup holder. I needed a cup holder there. Cavendish: (taking his beard off) And yet, you had room for false beards? What kind of a scientist are you!? Doofenshmirtz: All right, anyone who built a time machine today, raise your hand. (raises his hand) Yeah, I thought so! You get what you get, and you don't get upset! (Cut to the guys outside of Balsawood Studios.) Cavendish: Okay, with any luck, we can get there right before Evil Orton takes over the studio. (Cut to reveal the Pistachions wrecking the original time machine from Fungus Among Us.) Dakota: Oh! Looks like we're a little late to the party. Pistachion 8: Hey, look! They're over there now! Derek: Get them! Dakota: And now they see us. (Doofenshmirtz, Dakota and Cavendish run away, while Orton keeps writing notes. Dakota pulls him away. Derek puts his Orton mask back on and gives chase.) (Cut back to the present day at what appears to be an abandoned factory.) Melissa: So where are we? Phineas: This is one of our satellite workshops. (turns on the lights) Not [[w:c:phineasandferb:Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel|the one that's an actual satellite]]. We've been working here since the pistachions started taking over. (Cutaway to what appears to be Ferb under the tree. Phineas walks up to him.) Phineas: If we're gonna defeat those nut-jobbers, it's gonna start here. Milo: Wow, this is pretty neat! What's this for? (Pull out to reveal it's actually a set of Phineas and Ferb's backyard inside the workshop.) Phineas: We find that this setup helps us think. Melissa: (picking up a device) What's this? Phineas: This little beaut is a neutron disruptor, but I don't think it'll work on plants. Milo: How are you at building safety gear? (The machine short circuits behind Milo, and the lever falls off. More chaos erupts.) Buford: (screams) (A bucket of buckets is flung out the window and crashes below. Cliché sounds of car alarms and clucking poultry are heard.) Candace: Uh, well, maybe Milo isn't the best guy to have around, since we have to, y'know, save humanity. (to Milo) No offense. Milo: None taken! That's a good point! Baljeet: I cannot believe that Milo's mere presence can affect the probability of events around him! That violates every known law of physics! Buford: What about Murphy's Law? Baljeet: Nobody has really studied Murphy's Law. Maybe if we analyze it, we could use it to our advantage. Buford: Ya mean weaponize it? Candace: I think the simpler thing would be to ditch the kid who makes bad things happen. Phineas: No, Candace. We need all the soldiers we can get! But there's gotta be a workaround for this "Murphy's Law" effect. Melissa: Well, what do you usually do when things go wrong? (short beat as Phineas and Ferb look at each other) Phineas: We have no frame of reference for that. Milo: Well, I'' do! All you need is a little persistence. ''(rummaging through his backpack) It's like my dad always says: "When life crushes your lemons, (takes out a lemon helmet) stitch the rinds together to make a helmet!" Buford: (dons the lemon helmet) Mmmm! Lemony fresh. Zack: Don't even worry about it. Cavendish and Dakota are probably back in 1965 easily defeating those Pistachion monsters as we speak. (Whip pan back to 1965 as Cavendish, Dakota, and Orton are hiding from the Pistachions.) Dakota: Looks like we lost them. Cavendish: Where the deuce is Doofenshmirtz? How long does it take to get some orange soda? Dakota: Well, this is the 1960s. Life's kinda slower paced. Cavendish: Oh. Here he comes. Doofenshmirtz: Change of plans! Change of plans! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Cavendish: Uh-oh. Looks like we're running again! (The Pistachions, flinging javelins, run after Doofenshmirtz, Agent P, and the others as they get back on their taco stand time machine and disappear.) Pistachion 9: Ah, y'know, sometimes it's not worth getting out of the garden each morning. Pistachion 10: Way to bring down the room, Shawn! (Wipe to the present day.) Phineas: Okay, look, everybody, a lot of gear got smashed in that little Murphy's Law incident. If we're gonna have any chance of rescuing our parents and our friends, we're gonna have to rebuild. So everybody grab a station and start working! (Song: Quirky Worky Song) (As Milo attempts to put together a fork-like device, the song stops short as the fork goes up in the air.) Candace: Listen, Milo, I have nothing against you, and I know Phineas wants to include everybody, but don't you think it'd be best if we removed you from this rescue mission? So that everything that can go wrong, doesn't? (The fork lands on the table, prongs side down. Candace moves quickly out of the way.) Milo: Well, I guess that is a good point. Candace: Let's find you a good place to hide out, while they're trying to fix things. (Candace leads Milo out of the building.) Zack: Hey, where's she taking Milo? Melissa: That is weird. Zack: Wait a minute. What do we really know about her? She could be a Pistachion spy! Melissa: Of course! How did we not see it?! No human being has a neck that long! Come on! We've gotta go save Milo! (Melissa and Zack follow Candace and Milo out the door.) Baljeet: Hey, where are those two going? Buford: Called it! They're a couple! Act III (The scene opens up on a sign saying "Welcome to Danville", which is immediately flung away by a Pistachion, who captures a romantic couple from behind the sign. Several more Pistachions capture more Danville citizens and place them in Lard World trucks, including Elliot.) Elliot: Ow! Get off! Hey! Hey! Ow! Now is not a good time! (Pan right to Milo and Candace hiding behind some bushes.) Candace: Listen, Milo, what I'm trying to say is, you hanging around with us is not going to help stop these plant guys. (A fire hydrant explodes. Milo puts up an umbrella.) Candace: Ooh! Thanks! I just got my hair done. And also it isn't gonna help us save our parents from that plant prison in Lard World. (A huge tire rolls behind Candace, as Milo takes out a curved track, deflecting the tire so that it crushes a Pistachion.) Candace: Oh, thanks. I didn't see that coming! 'Cause we're already up against impossible odds without all the chaos that surrounds you! (Another Pistachion jumps in front of them, but sees a garbage truck skidding in his direction. In a bit of a twist, the garbage truck just misses the Pistachion, while its back door almost opens up. The Pistachion is struck by lightning, and ''then all the garbage dumps on him.)'' Candace: Hey! Sometimes, Murphy's Law can be totally helpful! (Whip pan up to reveal a woodpecker pecking at a branch. The branch falls on Milo and Candace.) Candace: Okay, maybe not totally. (Cut to a park bench. A Pistachion walks past it as Zack and Melissa appear from behind the bench.) Zack: Look! I was right! Candace is a Pistachion! And she's trying to get Milo! (In actuality, Candace - with leaves in her hair - is simply extricating her hand from Milo's backpack strap. But Zack and Melissa pounce on her.) Melissa: Let go of him, shrub head! Zack: Yeah! What she's saying! (Melissa pulls on Candace's face.) Candace: Ow! Melissa: How come this mask won't come off?! Candace: Because it's my face! Milo: Stop, guys! She's not a plant! Melissa: Really? With that neck? Candace: What's wrong with my neck?! Melissa: Oops. Sorry, honest mistake. I would've never tackled you if I knew you were human. Zack: You should be ashamed. (Melissa punches Zack in the arm.) Zack: Ow! Milo: Look, we shouldn't be fighting each other. Candace: He's right. We need to work together. Even if some of us mess things up sometimes. Milo: Sorry. Candace: I was talking about me. We need this guy around. Come on! (Milo, Candace, Zack and Melissa run forth of the branch, as a car crash occurs offscreen. More cliché car alarms and clucking poultry.) Milo: (offscreen) My bad! Candace: (offscreen) We still need him! (Cut to the time stream, as Doofenshmirtz's time machine travels on.) Dakota: So how far back should we go? Fifteen minutes? Doofenshmirtz: No...it's year, month...cup holder. Cavendish: Fine, then. One month. Orton: But that Pistachion had already been there for ten years. Cavendish: Well, we don't want to go back too far. We... We'd have to get jobs and apartments. Doofenshmirtz: We can all live together like a '70s sitcom! In the '50s! Announcer: Four Men & a Platypus is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Doofenshmirtz: But I digress. Hey, who wants orange soda? (Doof opens up a can, but it accidentally electrocutes the time machine. The others gasp.) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, sorry. This... This is like another sitcom! Announcer: That Darn Doof! Doofenshmirtz: And that's why we use a cup holder. (The time machine begins to go haywire.) Doofenshmirtz: ...steering system! I'm gonna hit the emergency escape button! (Cut to the present day. The time machine falls out of the sky.) Doofenshmirtz: Aah! We're in midair! Orton: We're going to hit that island! (Everyone screams, as the machine crashes onto a palm tree and rolls over many others in a row. The last springs upright, depositing it onto another palm tree. It bows.) Doofenshmirtz: Well, that was extraordinarily— (The palm tree breaks, and the machine crash lands on the ground and gets destroyed.) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, we're back in the present, but where are we? Cavendish: This is your fault! Now we're stranded here! Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, stranded on a desert island. Now that's a sitcom! Announcer: Doof Island is filmed in front of a— Cavendish: (dispels Doofenshmirtz' sitcom fantasy scene) No! No! You've ruined everything! You were supposed to be this genius who was going to save us, but no! (imitating Doofenshmirtz) "I want orange soda! I don't want to put a day setting on my time machine because I want a cup holder!" Doofenshmirtz: Is that supposed to be me? Dakota: Yeah, that's you. Your voice is really annoying. Cavendish: You are the biggest disappointment since... (pointing to Dakota) well, since him! Dakota: Wait. What did I'' do? '''Doofenshmirtz': Look, I don't know how time travel is supposed to work! W-W-When I hit that escape button, I was pretty sure we would just explode! You're the one who says I'm some time travel hero in the future! This is on you, buddy! And let me tell you, I know when I'm not wanted! (leaves, but then comes back) Is it... Is it now? It's, uh... It's now, right? Fine! (Crossfade to sometime later. Doofenshmirtz is wandering by himself on the island. He opens a can of orange soda, which destroys a nearby plant.) Doofenshmirtz: Okay, now that's environment. No wonder they banned this stuff. (Orton approaches him.) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, it's you. Come to mock the "great Professor Time", "Doctor Zone"? Orton: Oh, hardly. I know exactly how you feel, actually. It's strange knowing that you were destined to do something great. With no idea how to do it. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, look! A ukulele! (starts strumming) Orton: Oh, so you're just gonna play a— Okay. (Song: Pressure) Orton: They say I'm gonna have a big hit show With a legion of super-fans I'll be an icon on the modern television Sure, writing was my goal, but I'll be honest I was making backup plans Because they say, "Write what you know" But all I knew was the zoning commission And it should be nice to know That everything will work out fine And I'm gonna be a national treasure Apparently... But now there's all these expectations And I'll just... I'll have to realign And there's a future self up to which I have to measure It's just a lot of pressure Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, you think you've got it bad? (hands off the ukulele to Orton) Ya got nothin' on me, buddy! Listen. So, apparently, I'm gonna be the one who'll finally Figure out time-travel And that's a ton of scientific mysteries That I'll have to somehow unravel They'll call me "Professor Time" There'll be statues of me on every square So no matter where I go Oh, look! I'm already there! Is that what I look like from this angle? Hm. And it should be nice to know That everything will work out fine And I'm gonna be a national treasure But now there's all these expectations That' I'll just have to realign And there's this future self up to which I have to measure Oy vey! It's just a lot of pressure (rapping) Yo yo! And who knew we'd be essential? That we'd have so much potential? Orton: (also rapping) We could be so influential Our actions consequential Doofenshmirtz: Without any real credentials I could tell you confidentially That you and me Might have the quality To achieve a high degree Of notoriety! Orton: And get our names on the marquee Of high society Doofenshmirtz: And I know now we seem like idiots Orton: But in the nitty-gritty, it's So fortunate we're witty It's gonna make us giddy (Doofenshmirtz: Yo! Yo! ) When we're someday sitting pretty But we should be working steady Gettin' sweaty to get ready For a future that's so heady! Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, it's a daunting proposition To be in this position Orton: It takes courage Doofenshmirtz: Where we've witnessed premonition of our future selves condition Doofenshmirtz: So I'll make this one admission Though the beat is never slowing, I... Forgot where I was going with this. Orton: (whispers) "It's a lot of pressure." Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yeah! Orton and Doofenshmirtz: (singing) It's just a lot of pressure! (As the song ends, they find themselves held at spear-point.) Doofenshmirtz: Apparently, the locals are not music fans. (Cut to another part of the island where Dakota and Cavendish search for Doofenshmirtz and Orton.) Cavendish: Where the devil did they wander off to? We need to find a way off this island! (Dakota spots a large gated door, but then notices something.) Dakota: Uh-oh. (What he notices is a bunch of Dakota paradoxes walking around. Turns out this island is none other than The Island of Lost Dakotas.) Dakota: Uh, wrong way! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! Go! Oh, look! A... A... A caterpillar! Cavendish: Really? Where? Dakota: Ooh! Ooh! That cloud looks like a horsie! You see it? Cavendish: What the devil are you—? (notices one of the Dakota paradoxes) What the—? (Dakota pushes him down.) Cavendish: How could there be another you?! And another? And another? And another? Dozens of you! I'm getting to the bottom of this! Dakota: Cavendish, wait, wait! Oh... Fertilize me. (Cut back to Phineas' satellite workshop.) Candace: Guys, I was wrong about Milo. He's resourceful! We need him! I saw Murphy's Law defeat a Pistachion! We need to figure out how to use it to our advantage. Baljeet: All right. I will set up some tests. (Song: How Do I Do It?) Doo-wah, doo-wah, yeah! Doo-wah! (Milo enters an MRI machine, but it fails and flings him out.) Doo-wah, doo-wah, yeah! Doo-wah! (During the song, Phineas and Ferb subject Milo to diverse tests, all of which go wrong in one way or another.) Milo: You can analyze probability Or organize a form of inquiry You can hook me up and scan my alpha waves You can ionize me, hypnotize me Oxidize or digitize me See how this phenomenon behaves Chorus (Phineas, Ferb, Zack and Melissa): (Everybody, look right!) Milo: Here I am Chorus: (Everybody, look left!) Milo: There goes that jam Y'know, I'm standing right here And still the cause is not quite clear Chorus: (How does it happen?) Milo: I'm just like you, a mess Chorus: (How does it happen?) Milo: Some questions about process Chorus: (How does it happen?) Milo: Listen closely while we go through it Chorus: (How does it happen?) Milo: Is it something that we've missed? Chorus: (How does it happen?) Milo: Some chemical catalyst Chorus: (How does it happen?) Milo: Got to be some science to it People wanna know how do I do it! Milo: Well, I certainly hope all of this destruction was helpful. Baljeet: (at the computer) The data shows that Murphy's Law is much more of a force of nature than we thought previously. Like gravity, a universal constant! Melissa: And I can back that up. I did tons of research and calculations trying to understand Murphy's Law. Baljeet: (suggestively) Research? Calculations? Ha-cha-cha! (to Zack) Oh, sorry, dude. Zack: We're not a couple! Baljeet: In any case, if my calculations are correct, the force of Murphy's Law is in direct opposition to what I would now like to call the "Phineas and Ferb Effect." Buford: Say what now? Melissa: You mean Phineas and Ferb have an effect on probabilities like Milo? Baljeet: Exactly! Just like Milo! Their presence in the location seems to skew energy fields affecting probability. Melissa: Milo toward things going wrong... Candace: ...and Phineas and Ferb toward everything working out! Baljeet: So I have an idea. Allow me to explain. (Shows an image of Milo surrounded by a red aura.) These are the negative probability ions emanating from Milo. (Phineas and Ferb appear on screen with blue auras surrounding them.) And these are the positive probability ions emanating from Phineas and Ferb. So here is what I find interesting. Negative and positive probability ions cannot occupy the same space. So if we surround Milo with Phineas and Ferb, we can push the negative ions in a desired direction! Melissa: You mean we can aim Murphy's Law? Baljeet: Exactly! Buford: What'd I tell ya? Weaponize it! Montage time! (Song: Quirky Worky Song) (The gang build a contraption as Phineas, Ferb, and Milo strap themselves in.) Phineas: Presenting the Murphy's Law Suit! (Pull out to reveal it is a giant robot resembling Milo.) Phineas: All right. Here goes nothing! (The machine activates.) Milo: Fire away! (The negative ions spew from the robot's mouth and makes some dummy Pistachions fall over. Rubbish falls on top of them and catches fire. Everyone cheers.) (Cut back to the Island of Lost Dakotas.) Cavendish: What the deuce is going on here?! Dakota: Well, I'm no expert, but from the looks of it, I'd say several hundred me's are making orange soda. Cavendish: I demand an explanation. Dakota: Yeah, well, it's a... it's a funny story. Y-You're gonna laugh. Cavendish: Probably not. Dakota: You're gonna laugh. You died a couple hundred times, and each time, I changed the time stream to come back and save you, and each time, that's created another Dakota, and since there's... there's only supposed to be one of us in any one timeline, the extras had to go somewhere. So... we found this island. Dakota Paradox 1: Look! It's Cavendish! Dakota Paradox 2: Cavendish?! Dakota Paradox 3: Cavendish, wow! Is it really him?! Dakota Paradox 4: Cavendish! (All of the Dakotas gather around Cavendish and hug him and greet him.) Dakota Paradox 5: Hey, check out my tattoo of your hat! Dakota Paradox 6: Try some orange soda. Cavendish: You... You really sacrificed yourself hundreds of times for me? Dakota: Yeah. Whatta ya gonna do? Y... You're Cavendish. Cavendish: Oh, my dear Dakotas, I want to thank you for what you all have done. Dakota Paradoxes: Whatta ya gonna do? Cavendish: Now, has anyone seen Professor Time? Doofenshmirtz: (hogtied to a post with Orton) Present and accounted for! Dakota Paradox 7: Heh, heh, come on, guys. Joke's over. Let 'em go. (The Dakotas release them onto the ground.) Doofenshmirtz: Hey, it's my orange soda! Where'd you get this? Dakota Paradox 7: That's how we run our economy. We manufacture laceless shoes and this. It's been banned in most of the free world, but we export it, why? Doofenshmirtz: Wait, doesn't that destroy the environment? Dakota Paradox 7: Yeah, I'm not the environment. Doofenshmirtz: That's great! Bring me all you got! (Doofenshmirtz unrolls a schematic onto a table.) Doofenshmirtz: We're gonna need a lot of cup holders! (Cut back to Phineas' satellite workshop.) Phineas: Well, the suit test was a success. Let's gear up and we can storm the compound! Candace: Time to exterminate some garden pests! (The Pistachions invade the workshop.) Phineas: Quick! Into the robot! (Too late. The Pistachions capture Phineas, Ferb, and Milo and the others surrender.) Phineas: No! Buford: Ah, maybe I shouldn't have been livestreaming this. Act IV (The scene opens on the desolate amusement park once known as Lard World. Phineas, Milo and the gang are forced into the park.) Buford: Well, this stinks like yesterday's shorts. Milo: Wait a second, why haven't they replaced us with plant replicas? Pistachion 11: Oh, we don't need to do that anymore. You're going to be MULCHed. Bum, bum, bum! (They walk over to the M.U.L.C.H. device from Act I, which opens up revealing a rather sinister looking device.) Derek: We're on in five, people! And five, four, three, two... (The weather forecast on TV is interrupted.) Derek: Hello, humankind. It's time. Time for a change. No longer will we be wearing silly rubber masks. Prepare to fall before my M.U.L.C.H. machine! Which stands for M'achine '''U'sed for 'L'iterally 'C'onverting 'H'umans... 'T'o 'P'lants. '''Baljeet: What about those last two letters? Buford: Yeah. Shouldn't it be M.U.L.C.H.T.P.? Derek: The T.P. is silent! Phineas: Wait! You don't have to turn us into plants. There's gotta be a way we can coexist. I mean, haven't you seen the bumper stickers? Buford: Yeah. I promise I'll never eat at a salad bar ever again. Baljeet: You never do anyway. Buford: Yeah, but they didn't know that till now, Mr. Blabby McMouthenson! Baljeet: That is not my name! Milo: (strictly) Let everybody go! (politely) Then we'll... y'know, figure something out together. Derek: Start with him! Pistachion 12: Uh, sir, we're gonna need another minute. We had to switch over to the HDMI cables when we shot that video, but now we're gonna need to... (continues) Derek: Oh, for plant's sake. Okay, in five minutes, you're all plants! Milo: We will stop you! Derek: Oh, yeah? You and what army? Milo: That army! (From the air, Doofenshmirtz, Dakota, Cavendish, Orton, Agent P, and the Dakota paradoxes come to the rescue and arrive on the scene) Doofenshmirtz: Woohoo! So here's what I figured out: I'm not the environment, but you are! (They squirt orange soda at the Pistachions.) Doofenshmirtz: See? Be-Because you're plants. The power of orange soda repels you! The power of orange soda repels you! The power of orange so... It's... It's too long for a catchphrase. Derek: No. Cut! This is all wrong! Isabella: (as she appears in Rambo-esque clothing) Whatcha doin', all tied up like this? (Isabella and the Fireside Girls free the others.) Phineas: Isabella! Oh, I'm glad to see you! (The Dakota paradoxes' glider rams into a group of Pistachions and they head into battle.) Dakota Paradoxes: For Cavendish! Derek: Get them! (The Dakotas and the Pistachions battle each other, while Derek throws a stone at Doof's glider. He and Perry fall out. Agent P saves him just in time. A Pistachion goes after Cavendish and Dakota.) Dakota: Hey, don't do that! If you die, I don't have the time machine to go back and un-die you! Cavendish: And if you get hurt, I don't have one either! Orton: Aw, that was touching. (Orton sprays an oncoming Pistachion with orange soda.) Orton: Don't mess with Doctor Zo— (His orange soda spray guns are destroyed.) Orton: Who's Doctor Zone? I'm not Doctor Zone! (As the Pistachions are sprayed from overhead, Cavendish, Orton, and Dakota catch up with Melissa and Zack.) Cavendish: Murphy's friends? What are you doing here? Where's Milo? Zack: We got separated in all the confusion. (They run away from the Pistachions.) Derek: You! You humans there, well, you haven't won! In fact, your doom is at hand! A really big hand! (The giant pistachion emerges from a big trap door and is about to smash them.) Derek: Yes, crush them. Crush them! (The giant Pistachion continues roaring, but then looks around at all the fighting and violence dramatically. He sees a Pistachion mourning his comrade, and a Dakota mourning his.) Giant Pistachion: Wh— W... What have I become? Derek: What? Giant Pistachion: So much fighting. Derek: What are you doing? Giant Pistachion: Hurting people. Derek: W-W-What is happening? Giant Pistachion: Have I been chained up, underground for so long that I've forgotten compassion? Derek: W... What are you— Giant Pistachion: I gotta make up for this. Go out from here. Walk the land. Help people. (He puts on a baseball cap and carries a bindle stick and walks away.) Derek: Fine! Go! Who needs you?! We're gonna win this without you, you ingrate! At least I still have these humans here to— (What?) Derek: And they're gone, too. Great. Real great. Fire the machine! Pistachion 12: Yeah, yeah, in three minutes... tops. There's an adapter we needed. (Another Pistachion arrives with a bag from Radio Barn as Derek puts his face in his hand.) (Cut to Phineas, Ferb, and Milo.) Isabella: Hey, Phineas! Whatcha doin'? without your supersuit? (Isabella brings them the giant Milo robot.) Milo: Whoa! Thanks, Isabella! Phineas: Look out! (A Pistachion throws a boulder at them, as Agent P and Diogee capture him.) Phineas: Oh, hey, Perry! (Perry is back to mindless animal mode and chatters.) Phineas: That's my pet platypus. He doesn't do much. Milo: Thanks, Diogee! Aren't pets great? (Once they are gone, Perry puts back on his fedora and signals for Diogee to follow him.) Diogee: (barks) (Phineas, Ferb, and Milo get in the suit .) Milo: Time for some Murphy's Law and order! Phineas: That's what I'm talkin' about! Milo: Nice! (The Milo robot heads over to the Pistachions.) Milo: Eat probability, nut-jobbers! (The negative ions fire at the rollercoaster, which crushes the Pistachions. The robot then aims at Donut Mountain, which fires donuts at some more Pistachions.) Milo: Woo-hoo! Ho ho! Yes! (The robot fires at more rides, which saves some Dakota paradoxes from some more Pistachions.) Dakota: Look out, Cavendish! Not that way! (Heaves him out of the way.) (Back on the M.U.L.C.H. platform...) Derek: Guys... Pistachion 12: Just need to jiggle this wire. (The machine activates.) Derek: Let's go! Showtime! (Some Pistachions drag Bradley and Irving on to the platform.) Derek: Blast them! (The machine transforms them into killer plants.) Derek: Ha, ha! Yes, yes, it's working! (snaps) Next! (The Pistachions drag out Buford and Amanda.) (Cut back to the Milo robot stomping through the park.) Phineas: There's the mulcher! Milo: (pulls the cord) Here we go! Phineas: Whoa! (Some Pistachions sabotage the robotic backpack.) Milo: What was that?! Phineas: The power pack's been breached! Milo: Quick! Turn the head around! (The head turns around. Milo pulls the cord, and the backpack gets destroyed, shoving all the pistachions off.) Milo: Oops. That's a little too much Murphy's Law. (The robot falls over. Milo, Phineas and Ferb analyze the damage.) Phineas: Boy. Whadaya think, Ferb? (Ferb attempts to reconnect a wire, but shakes his head.) Milo: W-What do we do now? We don't have an extra power supply to fix this! Phineas: No! We can think of something! It's like you told us: "When life crushes your lemons..." Milo: That's it! The acid in a lemon can act as a battery and power up the suit! Phineas: Okay, but we'll need a lot more juice than one lemon. Milo: I have a whole bag of 'em! Phineas: Better, but we would need, like, over a hundred thousand— Milo: How about this radioactive watermelon? Phineas: Huh. Yeah, that works. Ferb, lock it in! Milo: Hey, could you guys use a blowtorch and some peanut butter? Phineas: How can we not have met before today? (Cut back to the M.U.L.C.H. machine. By this point, Linda and Lawrence, and Ferb's parents and Brigette and Martin have become Pistachions, and they are just about to hit Sara and Baljeet.) Derek: You'll never stop me! (Laughs evilly and blasts Sara and Baljeet.) (The Milo robot reactivates.) Milo: When life crushes your lemons... Phineas: ...use a radioactive watermelon to recharge your exosuit! (The Milo robot aims at the M.U.L.C.H.. Derek looks up and the banner falls on him, while the whole thing falls apart.) Derek: You think you've beaten me? Your family and friends are now mine! Plants forever! (Indeed, all of the citizens of Danville aside from Milo, Phineas and Ferb, have transformed into pistachions.) Milo: My parents! Sara! Phineas: Isabella, too! Milo: I can't fire at them! Please, everyone! It's us! Please, stop! (The transformed characters pull down the robot.) Phineas: Aah! Ferb, disconnect the arm! (Ferb pushes a button and the left arm comes off.) Dakota: Incoming! (He, Doofenshmirtz, and Cavendish evade the robot as it falls.) Milo: Time to bail! Cavendish: Milo! Grab my hand! Doofenshmirtz: Hey, the pizza delivery kid! Phineas: Ferb, look! It's Vanessa's dad! You remember him! (A beam starts to fall over. All run away. They climb the rollercoaster.) Orton: Milo, look out! (A part of the rollercoaster falls apart, keeping the transformed Pistachions away.) Milo: Thanks, Orton! Cavendish: Oh, no! This is a dead end! Go back down! Phineas: We can't! We're cut off! And they're coming! Dakota: Looks like we're out of time! Doofenshmirtz: No! I'' am Professor Time! And we are not ''out of time until I say so! Dakota: But— Cavendish: Not now, Dakota. He's having a moment! Doofenshmirtz: (clambers to the edge of the rollercoaster) And the day may come that we fall, but today is not that day! Cavendish: I believe in you! Orton: Oh, this is gonna be great in my memoirs! Doofenshmirtz: I would read that. (gasps) Oh, that's it! I get it! All I have to do is remember to— (Suddenly, a time vortex opens up, and out from it emerges none other than Future Doofenshmirtz, now Professor Time, in a time machine not unlike the one from the museum.) Doofenshmirtz: Huh. Hey, look, I remembered! Orton: It's you! From the future! But... But how did you know to come— Professor Time: I read about it! In your memoir. Orton: Well, I'm certainly writing that down! Cavendish: (fangirling, gasps) Professor Time! Professor Time: Hey, long time, no see, Cavendish! Cavendish: (squeals and squeezes Dakota) He knows my name! (Cut to Derek.) Derek: Another time machine?! Well, that's impossible!! (Cut to the transformed Pistachions getting closer to Milo, Phineas, and the others.) Professor Time: Come on, Orton. It's time for you and me to live up to our destiny. (giving Orton his Doctor Zone hat) Time for danger! Milo: Time for action! Orton: Time for Doctor Zone! (He gets into the time machine with Professor Time.) Milo: Oh! In fifty years, you gotta give this letter to Melissa and Zack last week! It'll make sense later. (Professor Time and Orton take off into the vortex.) Derek: What?! No! No! (Cut to 1955 at the Drive-Thru restaurant. Derek walks through the door and takes the tray off his head.) Derek: Yes, I can continue my father's work here in the past! Starting a fifty-year plan to replace every human with plants in rubber masks! Orton: You're the Pistachion that started all of this. Time is not on your side. Professor Time: Yeah, have some orange soda! On the house! (They squirt the orange soda at Derek, and he dies a fizzy death.) (Cut back to the present, Derek is about to get Milo, but he trips and falls.) Derek: No! It can't be! It was working! We had won! (fading from existence) How could it all go so wrong?! Milo: Well, that's Murphy's Law for you! Derek: (disappears) Waaaah! (The Pistachions fighting the Dakotas disappear as well, as do all the others.) Dakota Paradox 8: Freedom! (Cut to the Giant Pistachion volunteering at a soup kitchen.) Giant Pistachion: There ya go, sir. You have a wonderful day now. Oh, what in the— (He disappears from existence as well.) (Cut back to the park. All of the Pistachion-transformed civilians return to normal. And the Time Ape image reappears on Sara shirt. Just as Irving and Bradley transform back, Bradley sees that he still has one Pistachion arm.) Bradley: W-Wait a minute! Why am I'' still part plant?! ''(Irving backs away from him.) (Pull out to the abandoned park, which also returns to normal.) Milo: Orton! And Professor Time! They did it! They must've made it back to 1955 and stopped it all before it started! Doofenshmirtz: (to Milo) Thank you, Doctor Zone! Cavendish: (to Doofenshmirtz) And thank you, Professor Time! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yeah! And thank me, too! Dakota: Ah, well, we won another one, partner. Although, I'm not sure Mr. Block is gonna see it that way. Bradley: But... But I'm still part plant! Cavendish: Unauthorized time travel, changing the space-time continuum, hundreds of rogue Dakotas. (Bradley goes off, upset) We're going to be in serious trouble, aren't we? Dakota Paradox 9: Yeah, you guys are hosed. (The other Dakotas make sounds of agreement.) Dakota Paradox 10: Back to the island, fellas! Milo: Well, I think that went pretty well! (Suddenly, Murphy's Law goes into effect: a hammer strikes down a Lardee Boy figure, and it hits Doofenshmirtz' iconic building, demolishing it.) Doofenshmirtz: My building!! Ugh! (to Milo) May I crash on your couch? (beat) (Cut to Milo's house, as the gang watch ''Doctor Zone on TV.)'' Doctor Zone: Remember Time Ape, persevere and seize the day! (As he says this, he raises his right hand to reveal that it is now a perfectly normal hand instead of the gift box seen in previous episodes, and then points to the viewers.) And I'll see you all in the future! (Milo, Zack, Melissa, Phineas, Ferb, Buford and Baljeet all cheer and applaud. Later, all exit Milo's house.) Milo: You know, it's always great when you help create the show you've loved all your life. Buford: What do you mean "always"? That never happens! When in the history of the Universe, other than this time, has that ever happened? Milo: Well, nice to meet you guys. And, remember, we're just on the other side of town, so feel free to cross over any time! Phineas: We will! See ya soon! (Phineas and the gang depart, as the Phineas and Ferb theme plays instrumentally and Milo, Zack, and Melissa wave goodbye and go back into the house.) Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen, inside Milo's house) Hey, uh, where do you guys keep the extra toilet paper? I'm asking for a friend! (Milo ending sting. Roll credits.) Category:Transcripts Category:P Category:Season 2 Transcripts